how infertility feels on mothers day

I know you're probably afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Maybe you've been snapped at and caused tears when you've said the wrong thing even though you thought about it first and it sounded good in your head.

Maybe you weren't spoken to for a couple of days, maybe longer. 

I know. I know

But she's going though a lot. Soooooo much.

This day is the worst. Anyone experiencing infertility is reminded that they're not yet a mother everyday.  Mother's Day hurts every single crevice of our heart. Our bodies are not doing what they were made to do, and then there's this day that we would give up every ounce of our sanity (we probably are) to get to celebrate. If she has been going through this for a while, last mother's day she might have assured herself that by this year it'd be over. She'd have that baby in her arms, or at the very least growing inside of her. Bargaining for survival.

Yes it's a risk to say something. But if you're thinking of her, it's my 2 cents that you should tell her. 

Maybe it's that simple. I like to sometimes come right out with what I'm afraid of. 

"Hey I don't want to say the wrong thing but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you today"

Write her a letter about what a great mom she's going to be.  Or tell her, but be warned your chances of waterworks increases here. 

Get her all of her favorite foods. All of 'em.

Get her favorite movie cued up. Maybe a few.

Plan her favorite activity which ideally isn't also at a place where everyone is celebrating Mother's Day.

{ Bottomless mimosas sounds like a good idea but don't go out to brunch Sunday!} 

If you're going to be around other people, do her the favor of reminding them that this day is hard for her. Maybe they'll go easier on her when she asks them to pass the fucking macaroni salad. They also don't need to comment when she has 3 servings of dessert. Ya know, things like that. Not speaking from experience or anything. 

Remember, 1:8 women experience infertility. Even if you aren't one of them (or you're a man reading this THANK YOU) sharing this article on social media could let someone that you don't even know is suffering feel like you've got their back. You'd be surprised how helpful that can be in a sea of Happy Mother's Day posts.

If you are or have gone through infertility and want some support, we've started a private group on facebook. It's a safe place to vent, chat, and just be amongst others that know what you are going through. I asked them what else they would include in this list and they shared the following :

One had a friend offer to give her a theraputic facial this week knowing it was going to be a tough one. LOVE THAT! You know what I think is even more amazing than the actual facial, the fact that she thought of this proactively, before this tough day even happened! So much love!

Some made the choice to celebrate with their moms on a day other than Sunday, because they know Sunday they just need to take care of themselves. Self care or in this case even self preservation is important! 

Don't say "it's your turn next year" or "you're going to be a great mom someday" or "it's going to happen for you eventually." We know you have the best intentions, but those things hurt because you don't know that this will happen, it might not and that is our biggest fear. 

Here's the thing, it might all piss her off. None of it might look like it was a good idea at all and you are cursing the stupid blog lady. It's probably what you think is a lose - lose situation. But I am confident that even if she's not aware of it just this second, that she is thankful that you are acknowledging her struggle. That you are recognizing that this is real. That you are trying to make it better even if you can't. 

Thanks for making it allllllll the way to the bottom! Come back Monday for my first ever giveaway!