I’ve recently choooosen to start working on losing some “baby weight” if you will. When I started in October my weight was actually UP a few pounds from when I got home from the hospital. Yep. So despite my all night milk monster I wasn't on the receiving end of the miraculous breastfeeding diet. Which is fine but I just wanted to keep it real incase anyone out there was feeling lonely in that boat. My mind says I'm choosing to nurish my child and that's beautiful and selfless zen zen zen. My vanity says fuuuuuuck I hate this. That's not even what I came here to talk about though. I know we're doing a kickass job reclaiming our place in society right now but I'd like us to take one little thing from the boys club. SIZING! I'm ovah the vanity sizing. Right now I'm in between postpartum chelsea and regular chelsea therefore my closet is busting at the seams. My “true” size is today about a 4 but I currently have pants in a girls (as in made for 12 year olds) 14/16 alllllllllll the way to a womens petite 10/12 that I can fit into. That's fucking absurd. That’s like a full range of sizing categories. When and WHY did this become so complicated. Why do we not go off a system of measurements? Are we too weak to handle such honesty? No we fucking aren't because we'd be a lot stronger if we just had pants that fit ok? Ok.
I've never been adventurous with my hair. Once in junior high I tried a bob. I've never emotionally recovered.
Twice, both after huge life events (marriage and pregnancy) I chopped enough to donate my hair. Horribly timed, hormonally fueled choices are a strength of mine I guess. Other than that, one time I got ombré. That's it. Oh and in London I accidentally got super short side bangs in a too trendy for me salon. Jesus that was traumatizing. That all sounds semi adventurous to me but as a 32 year old female that's pretty tame right? So three or four times in the last year I've seen a friend or acquaintance go really drastic with their mane and look fan-freaking-tastic. Like so fantastic it makes me afraid I could be missing my best look. I'm talking like brunette to BLONDE or like really bold bangs. They look so amazing that I like can't believe there was ever anything else. A stylist once told me that the hair color you have as a baby/toddler is your most flattering color. Idk how much truth there is to that. So last night while watching not watching the snoooooozefest that is arie, I downloaded an app to try out some virtual wigs. It was pretty entertaining but the bar was low. Today I'm trying out a middle part which is surprisingly dramatic for someone who has gone to the side for as long as I can remember. Maybe I'll try a crazy wig next Halloween, but that's as far as it's going I think. Have you ever had hair fomo? I think what this means is I'll be 80 with purple hair, like on purpose.
On a micro level, I really wish I could keep you. If groundhog year was a choice, I'd surely be tempted to accept the deal and choose you. You started full of nerves and anxiety. In preparation for a day of surgery that I knew I couldn't prepare for. I had never had surgery, why would my 6 month old have to face such a thing. Instead you taught me what we are capable of. You gave me such crystal clear perspective of what matters. The rest of the year I've had the opportunity to watch my child blossom. Timehop today showed me a video of Luca rolling around last year cooing and babbling. Today he runs around the house talking truly nonstop. He probably says over 200 words and is combining 2-3 word little sentences regularly. We were told to expect some minor speech delays due to surgery and all that good stuff, so I can't help but be proud! Instead this little person has such a zest for life it's like he can't even contain it. Don't worry he stillllllll doesn't sleep through the night. It's not all roses over here 😉 Just like his daddy he likes to start his days celebrating, usually with dancing. He may not understand what it means but he sure loves the way someone's face lights up when he tells them "I love you." It's a constant reminder how easy it is to be the good. How easily you can change someone's day. How actually it isn't that hard to make the world a tiny bit better. I've never been a big fan of resolutions. I don't think we need to turn the page of a calendar to make a grand statement but if that's your thing, do it. Smile at strangers. Tell your people you love them. Enjoy where you are. Even if it's one of the hard parts, that's beautiful too.
2017 I truly am sorry to see you go but I know that I can't even fathom what 2018 will bring.
I'll leave you with my forever favorite and ok fine, 1 resolution. In 2018 I'm just going to hit publish and get rid of the 97,000 drafts ok?